Today at work, the children got out of school for the summer.

One of the girls, a group rather, took it upon themselves to assault our Library manager. Can you imagine teens fighting a civil servant, a government employee? Ruining your life because you wanted to be billy bad ass? A FELONY?

I was so overstimulated and overwhelmed. A great day for me to not take my meds the night before and the day of. Stupid, dummy me. Too much noise, too much anxiety, anticipating if a fight or worse will happen, the useless police department, the useless security staff, the useless staff members that I work with. My coworker and I turned into pseudo-security guards and pseudo-managers. Fucking pathetic.

Stupid ass kids. I hate the last day of school at this place. They had to evacuate the elderly hours before the kids got out of school. That’s depressing. Mainly Black teens. I’m disappointed and embarrassed. We desperately need teen spaces where they can be safe and be teens at the same time. I was definitely not like this when I was a teen.

I didn’t wanna be bothered with others who were acting up. My parents, immediate family, and community put the fear of God in my heart and mind, so I knew better. These kids don’t have parents or a community in their homes. Parents are always working or deadbeats and leave the kids to their own devices since they were five. Community resources are available, but who can use them when you’re constantly working day and night to provide for the child that you emotionally and mentally neglect?

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Also, for two days, I have been nice to his girlfriend. Don’t ask me why. Blame my Libra Rising or my Cancer Venus. I say hi and keep a cordial conversation with her. Again, I don’t know why I’m being nice to a woman who manipulated my friend into a relationship. Oh well. He’s the stupid dummy to fall for it. Loneliness, yearning, and a lack of self-respect is a bitch, isn’t it.

I think I’ll chill on texting everybody who’s not my two closest friends for a few days. It’s not like he’s going to notice or care. He has his totem pole of friends and girlfriend to keep him busy. I was never on that pole of his, no matter how delusional he may be about it.

I have these moments where I’ll think about The Situation™ and all the emotional scarring I went through with those two and decide to stop talking to him. He still doesn’t get it and won’t give a detailed and sincere apology because he’s weak, but claims he’s all about communication and being direct, but won’t be direct with me. She won’t ever apologize because she’s not a “girls girl”, won’t take accountability, and is also weak. They are perfect for each other, honestly.

I have noticed that I’m pulling back from him. Maybe, one day I will be free from him and will never communicate with him again. I swear I will never have a guy friend again after this. It’s not worth it for me. I give and care too much for a man to understand it. The idiots will do what they want. I’ll leave him in the past, where salty sea dogs go to die.